Peering In From The Outside

Five years. I spent five years having doctors tell me my war against the Faceless was all in my mind. Five years maintaining a facade, putting on a mask and pretending that yes, of course, they were right, and I needed help. I spent five years with many sleepless nights, gazing out a barred window and seeing the nemesis to all humanity standing outside the institution, writhing tentacles reaching through the gate, quivering with longing. Five years hearing the screams of the irreversibly-broken as they, too, laid eyes on madness itself. These are not five years I will look back on in my golden years with fondness and nostalgia. Even now, I wake up every morning and slip on a mask. Just the quiet girl whose doctors are helping her. That's who my neighbors see--a murderer trying to reform, to put her life back together. In a way, they're not wrong. I realize now, in retrospect, how far I'd fallen and how many cognitive biases I'd erected, barriers hastily cast to shield...

Don't mind the removed posts. False starts, misled journal entries from a time when I wasn't myself. It's been years. I don't know what possessed me to look this blog up again. What drives me to resume painting my thoughts on a blank white canvas, when simply logging in invites risk. Mayhap there's a story to tell yet. Maybe I just can't let well enough alone. Maybe none of us can, and that's what drew us to the board in the first place, six years ago.